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"It just didn’t work out. I was 22 when I got married. 22. The same age I was when someone asked me to draw a map of the world and I just straight up forgot South America."

— Pete Holmes on his failed marriage [x] (via cinemaria)

(via peteholmesshow)

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It’s a wonder he’s single.

It’s a wonder he’s single.

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(Source: callmecoven, via africandad)

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(Source: orangeis, via africandad)

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(Source: rabalogy, via rynobiggs)

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"Every girl I’ve ever met with curly hair wants straight hair, every girl with straight hair is always curling it. How about this..spend the time you would’ve spent curling or straightening f*cking someone who likes you the way you are."

— Pete Holmes (via steffxtinct26)

(via peteholmesshow)

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(Source: bencumber, via doctorwho)

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(Source: rhubrbtrmoil, via shouldnt)